Since I've Been Gone

I've been gone for a while attending a pastor's retreat in WI. We had a great week and the Lord really showed up and ministered to all the pastors/leaders that attended. I was amazed at the way He revealed himself to me on WED evening:

I've been very 'dry' lately...doing my daily disciplines, but just didn't feel love or felt like I could really love someone, whether individually or the church. Yes, I still loved my wife, my kids, etc. But to really love the church was another deal. And so when ministry started and we participated in communion the Lord showed up and just washed over me with his love for me as his kid.

I was standing there bathed in love, crying and just plain feeling weak...I felt vulnerable yet at peace knowing that God only gives good gifts to his kids...and this was an awesome gift I was receiving right then! I was so overcome I decided to go outside into the darkness and pray. So I went out by this huge lake (right behind the retreat center) and started talking to God about my heart and its hardness and how I didn't want that anymore...and how I really needed him to soften my heart -- and He came again! Tears fell, my knees shook, I just couldn't believe how good he was being to me!

And yet I knew there was more to come so I went back inside and they were making a ministry call for people to come receive prayer -- I went and stood in the front and just felt God's presence fall upon me again -- going into those places where I needed him to go -- restoring me, and reassuring me.

One thing that struck me is that I've not allowed people to get real close to me or myself to get real close to others because I felt like that I had been ripped out of a place of healthy relationships and intimacy and accountability in IA to move here...and that I hurt when I saw all of my old friends at the retreat (and also the people that were taking my place positionally at the church) and it made me want to guard myself...to guard my heart and not risk being hurt again! I don't know how long God has us here...but I know I'm supposed to live each day to the fullest and love people each day to the fullest whether he calls us away or says to stay. Since my life is his...so is my heart and the love he provides for me to give away.

I had shut that faucet off awhile ago and so I prayed that he would forgive me and fill me to overflowing again so that I could love others with his heart. What a cool and supernatural exchange! Then a friend prayed for me about receiving love and giving it away and he had a few other supernatural words of wisdom for me that pierced my heart! God is so good! He shows his love to me and he confirmed it through His people! What an awesome experience that I desire to have again and again and again!

I'll tell you more tomorrow about the ride home and our conversation with Nikki from WI.
Have a God-blessed day!